YOUR MONEY SCRIPTS

The mass perception of fewer options (no pun intended) is seizing people, rendering them practically paralyzed. I see it happening with people in my own life. Are there ways to loosen this self-imposed stranglehold?

I've witnessed how this climate tends to magnify people's self-talk. Money scripts are running off the page so fast, you can't keep up. If it was fear around money, it's more fear now. If it was fog, more fog. If it was deprivation, more deprivation and scarcity.

What are your scripts?

We can't control anything but ourselves. As readers of this Newsletter by now you know that money issues are not about money. The root causes are the result of the underlying beliefs you carry - subconsciously, for many.

I believe that particularly in trying times like this, it is all the more important to have complete awareness around your money relationship. Please take a few moments to write down your responses to the following:

Write down the first 8 to 10 words that come to mind when you think of the word "Money."

• Underline all of the words you have identified which you think have anegative connotation.
• Write down three things that you are proud of in terms of your relationship to money.
• Write down three things that you feel badly about in terms of your relationship to money.
• Identify which list was easiest for you to complete.
• Write down your most joyful experience with money.
• Write down your most painful experience with money.
• Identify which memory was easiest for you to recall.

Take a twenty dollar bill and look at it. Write down the answer to the following question: What has this ever done to hurt you?

Save a possible paper cut, the obvious answer is that the piece of paper you were holding has never done anything to hurt you. Rather, the hurt you may have identified related to money resulted from your experiences with people and situations, not the actual money itself.

Let me know which of your money scripts are running. You can always reach me at Helen@YourMoneyRelationship.com. I might like to address an aspect of it in future newsletters and I am 99.9% sure that people will be able to relate (Don't worry; your name will never be revealed : ).

The Rescue Fantasy

Let's turn off CNN (Constantly Negative News), take a deep breath and take stock. All this talk about the Bailout has me thinking about a self-sabotaging symptom I see too often, particularly in those who suffer from Underearning, Debting or being in a Money Fog; that would be the "Rescue Fantasy".

What is the Rescue Fantasy?

Tucked in the back of millions of minds is the idea or fantasy that if things start spiraling out of control, someone, something or some organization will be there to, well... bail you out. The result, if you suffer from this delusion (probably subconsciously), is that you undermine your ability to earn your full potential and create a full life by not taking conscious charge of your finances. Should things not go the way you hope, somehow you'll have a fall back. It's all kind of vague and hazy...

Also, if you are foggy about money you are probably very good at finding people (who usually have the best of intentions), companies (ex.credit card companies) or organizations that enable you to carry on with certain behaviors around money that in the end are not serving your best interests. You are beholden to everyone else but yourself.

Some examples of enablers might be:

A husband or wife

A parent or sibling

A relative

A boss

A friendCredit card companies

Any other organizations or companies that allowed you to extend your payments

You can't afford not to get clear and conscious with your money as in the end, it is your life that you are living, not anyone else's and not for anyone else. All the more reason why it is necessary for you to take stock of your own financial situation and examine the results you are getting.

The benefits of true self-care FAR outweigh the benefits of being tied, monetarily or emotionally to someone, something or a seemingly harmless Fantasy. The Rescue Fantasy is a dangerous hook to get caught on as it will only hold you back by letting you think that things will somehow sort themselves out and by creating a false sense of security.

Life is not without its problems but personally feel I would rather blunder through with clarity and purpose, than let other people and circumstances run me.

So the question isn't "Can anyone count on you?" but "Can you count on yourself?" Warm wishes,

P.S. I love watching my clients make huge strides in their relationship to money and watching them craft their lives around their priorities, interests and talents. I feel truly privileged to be a part of their process. If you are ready to do the same for yourself, learn more about the Fresh Financial Program, our bi-weekly telegroup where we look at your money relationship from the emotional and practical aspects.

Underearning

This topic can occupy months of focus and discussion and is covered in depth in our Fresh Financial Program. First, a confession: Underearning is one of the reasons I was led to do this work. After 10 years (10 years!!!) of earning the SAME salary (and that was in more than 2 jobs) I thought, "Why does this keep happening?!! Why can't I break my salary barrier?" After growing tired of all the excuses I had invented (“He got a head start”, “She has more connections”, “She’s thinner” etc. etc), I was driven to seek the help of a financial counselor. Fast forward….Now I am giving workshops and teleseminars about this insidious problem that many people suffer from. Because it is pretty silent in its ways, it really needs to be looked at with a magnifying glass and talked about with a megaphone in hand!

What is Underearning?
Underearning is the pattern of earning below your potential. You are either not making enough or barely enough money to cover your needs. In addition, here’s another kind of Underearner. Take Kathy, a smart young woman who went into the law profession but wasn’t really passionate about it. It was what her father and brother did so it “made sense” that she follow the path that was in her family’s blood. As a lawyer she made a decent salary BUT because she wasn’t working from a place of passion and was therefore not inspired to work to her full potential, she was an Underearner.

Here are just a few characteristics of Underearners with a very short summary for each. You can learn more about Underearning in the Free Teleseminar on Thursday, September

Underearners are usually in debt.
It would make sense that if you are in debt, you are vague as to how much money is flowing in and out of your accounts. And if you are not aware of how much is going in or out of your accounts, you probably don’t have a clear idea of how much money you need to cover your needs. Underearning would be an easy thing to do since you have no idea how much is enough and how much you need.

Underearners are fearful of money.
When you are fearful of money or anything else for that matter, you tend to avoid it at all costs. You can guess what happens if you avoid money. You don’t hold any ties to it, you aren’t nurturing that relationship, and you are doing a disservice to yourself by not looking at it straight in the eye and staring it down.

Underearners give away or volunteer excessive amounts of their time.
You have the best intentions and donate your time; too much of it. Many people who suffer from Underearning do not use their time and energy wisely. As I mentioned in my previous Newsletter, thinking about your Time, Energy, Money factor plays a big role in helping you decide how to use each source to best serve your needs and wants. I have found that you become much more efficient with your time as you get yourself out of the Underearning cycle and gain financial clarity.

Underearners believe there is virtue in living in poverty.
You will find many artists suffer from this belief. You live for the greater good. You think your condition is a sign of a true artist; the starving artist. Artists who do well are many times labeled as having sold out. Perhaps you believe that making money displays greed and consumerism and sullies the spiritual and artistic worlds. Many underearners with this belief live in slightly less than safe homes, wear slightly tattered clothing, and almost go out of their way not to display any signs of a comfortable life.

Underearners might resent people who have money.
If you resent people who have money, how could you ever expect to have enough for yourself? A good exercise is to write down the names of people with significant amounts of money whom you respect. You don’t have to know them personally. Write down what characteristics you like about them and what you admire about the way they lead their lives.

Underearners do not keep track of their flow of money.
You have heard me talk about tracking your income and expenses. When you do that simple exercise, you know exactly where you stand and can determine the amount of money you need to cover everything you want. Underearners

Underearners fear spending money and resent it when they must.
Many Underearners have a clenched fist approach when it comes to opening their wallets. Spending money is no fun. You don’t really take pleasure in it. Money is energy and needs to circulate so if you stop the flow (my throat gets tight just thinking about it!) and you come from a point of scarcity, it makes sense that money will be scarce in your life, that you will probably borrow money (from credit cards or your 401K) because “there isn’t enough of it”. As a result, you go into debt.

Underearners think that money will cure their problems.
Here's the thing: Money doesn't cure Underearning. People do.

At the heart of Underearning is self-deprivation. If you are not able to cover your needs and keep pedaling on with no plan in place, it will never be Enough because you don’t know what Enough is. Subconsciously Underearners act in ways that keep them from enjoying things they value like love, relationships, money, time. Etc.

I liken money to a mirror that reflects not only what is going on in your bank account, but inside yourselves. If you think you might suffer from Underearning don’t be discouraged. You must realize that Underearning is NOT a permanent condition. The first step is awareness and acknowledgement.

In The Fresh Financial Program I teach you how to recognize patterns of Underearning you may be living (and re-living) and how to break this cycle so you can move on and live your life with full clarity and in the way you wish for yourself. To learn more about the Fresh Financial Program SIGN UP HERE for my Free Teleseminar on September 25.

Aim High

One of the best events to happen in New York over the Labor Day weekend is the U.S. Open, which is where I spent my holiday. It was so exciting to be back there again, taking in the energy of the fans and great athletes, listening to the sound of squeaky sneakers on the courts, witnessing Cilic/Djokovic and Tsonga/Safin play their hearts out (unfortunately the women's matches were very uneven the days I was there).
I was in awe of their ability to place the ball exactly where they wanted it to go. Sure, sometimes they missed but the margin of error was pretty low. As I sat watching I thought of the similarities between tennis and your financial life.

What is your financial aim? The first step is to know your goal. For the tennis players it was clear their goal was to win the U.S. Open Championship. When it comes to your money, "I want to save enough money to retire comfortably" is not a goal. Neither is "I want to get out of debt". You must be specific. Exactly how much do you need to put away each month until you retire? Exactly how much do you need to pay off what you owe? Then, give yourself specific dates as to when you plan to accomplish these goals (ex. "I will save "x" amount by "x" date).

How do you figure out how much is needed? By tracking your flow of money. Tracking is an amazingly simple tool that shows you exactly what amount you need to accomplish your goals. If you can add and subtract, you can figure this part of your plan out.

How do you plan to get there?

In the classic story, Alice in Wonderland, Alice comes to a fork in the road where she meets the Cheshire cat and asks, "Which way do I go?". "Where are you going?". "I don't know", she responds. "Then any road will do", replies the cat.

Tennis players build up to the U.S Open, match by match, moving up through the ranks as their game gets stronger and stronger. In the meantime, they eat food that will nourish them and keep their energy level high, they practice to overcome weaknesses in their game, they work on their mental game and work out to strengthen their muscles and stamina.

Have you created the roadmap that will take you where you want to go; Day to day? Month to month? Year to year? Have you implemented a Spending Plan that works with your current financial situation? that builds your bank account?

A Spending Plan keeps you from being vague or what I call in "a money fog". If you know exactly how much you have going in and out, then you build a plan from there. No guessing, no estimating. (Would you get in a plane knowing your pilot didn't have a flight plan and would just wing it, so to speak?).

Your Mental Game

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right". Henry Ford.

I doubt that anyone who has won the U.S. Open Championship thought they could never win it.

You have to feel and see your goal. What does it feel like to have paid off all your debt, have the amount of money you want for retirement in your account - right now?? What are your surroundings like? Who is around you? What are your days like?

When I was a student at Juilliard, the book everyone was reading and applying to their musical lives was called, "The Inner Game of Tennis" which talks about all of this; first you "see" and own it, then it can happen (So for a musician you first imagine yourself on the stage, facing the friendly audience; you imagine what your instrument feels like in your hands: you imagine the beautiful sounds coming out of it; you are breathing deeply.....and so on).


Who is on your team?

It's simple, we tell ourselves. You either make more money than you spend or spend less than you make. Tennis players could say "All I have to do is hit the ball within the lines until my opponent makes a mistake". If it were all that easy!

We "should" be able to do a lot of things, but can't do everything alone. We all need support. In your relationship to money and the game of tennis, for that matter, you need help from others who can help you achieve your goals. Create your team. Tennis players have coaches, massage therapists, agents, lawyers, colleagues, accountants, sports doctors, sports psychologists,.fans : ), and of course, friends and family to celebrate with or to turn to when things get rough. You don't need to start large; better to build slowly and choose your team wisely. If you don't yet have people in your life with whom you can discuss your money relationship, start with some books.

Here are some I found helpful (in no particular order):
Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicky Robbins
How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt and Live Prosperously by Jerrold Mundis
How to Earn What You Deserve also by Jerrold Mundis

Money Drunk, Money Sober by Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan (yes, the same authors of The Artists Way)
The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth
Prince Charming Isn't Coming by Barbara Stanny

Everyday, life throws you a lot of balls. You will find it a lot easier to decide which ones to hit if you have a plan in place. All you have to do to determine your next step is to ask yourself if by engaging in this next action, you will get closer to or further away from your ultimate goal ("Is this coat a want or a need?", " Should we go out to eat or should we buy some fresh food and make a yummy meal at home?", " Will spending time with this person give me more or less energy?", "How will this course improve my life?").

Your goal is your North Star which serves as your guide. Start taking actions that draw you towards it.

Think Big

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson
Lastly, we all need to feel inspired by our goal. Make it as big as you want. Aim High, Plan for it and Live it!

Back to School!

Can it be?! It's hard to believe, but millions of people are preparing to go back to school already. Speaking of which I‘ve noticed how Financial Literacy programs are beginning to pop up in schools now. At last! Maybe Home Economics (am I dating myself?) will take on a whole different meaning?

Who taught you, consciously or unconsciously about money; parents or guardians, relatives, neighbors, friends and bosses?

How and what did they teach you?

All of us began learning about money somewhere around the age of 2-4 years old, by absorbing what those around us said and felt about it.
How did your parents/guardians handle money? Was there tension in your household around it or were you surrounded by people who spoke openly and caringly about it? How did people speak about money (i.e. "Money doesn't grow on trees", "Marry someone with money", "Filthy Rich")? Did it flow from a place of generosity or scarcity?

Think about the 5 people you spend the most time with and look at their relationship to money. We can tend to surround ourselves with people who hold similar emotional patterns, so when you are transforming your relationship to money, seek out people who embody and have already created what you want in your life as you can learn a lot from them. If you recognize a characteristic in someone else that doesn't agree with you, consider the fact that it might resonate with you because you carry similar qualities. This is not necessarily easy to hear, but if you decide to learn from it, your awareness level will take a big leap forward.

I say, Your Money, Your Mirror, as healing your relationship with money ultimately starts with self-knowledge. When you become more self aware, you can then create conscious actions that serve your best interests at heart.

Think about some of the questions. Observe what memories and feelings come up and see what you learn from them. Here's to your nourishing education!

Your Time, Energy, and Money

One of the first questions I ask clients is, "What do you want to gain from your Time, Energy, and Money by working with me?"

It is a simple yet powerful question, as it helps galvanize your thoughts around your intentions.

• How much time will it take?
  
• How much energy will/did it require of me?
  
• How much money will it cost?

This isn’t to prevent you from doing anything but to help clarify your intended outcome in a given situation.

You can use this combination of questions in a number of way, creating different prisms through which you can understand your motivations. For instance, What are the different ways this question could be applied?

• When you go to purchase something, do you ever think about the number of hours and personal energy it took for you to make the money you are about to spend?
  
• When you purchase something online, perhaps you are spending less time, energy AND money (provided you don’t spend tons of time ’searching’). Very efficient. :)
  
• Living in New York City, I save both time and energy if I choose to take a cab, not a bus or subway, but spend at least quadruple the amount of money!

Ask yourself this simple yet powerful question as a spring board for decision-making: "What do I want to get out of my Time, Energy and Money?" or "TEM" as I call it.

Brenn Hill Sings a Song of Debt

Debt - I guess if we have to keep hearing about it in the media, this is a much better way to take it in.

I caught this song on NPR yesterday while sipping my Sunday morning Oolong tea (I love my laughing Buddha). Enjoy!